Silence is GOLDEN

I am silently reminded that I am not the only one who has issues. From seeing my self as the have to make it freaking perfect kind of person. To the extreme that I am driving myself crazy.

Officially cleared off my dining room table today. Put a bookshelf together by myself, organized all the compartments, and holders with all my inside craft crap. Good Lord. I know where my retirement fund is. It's in the dining room, the shop, attic, oh you name it I have something stashed in just about every drawer, nook, and cranny. BUT, I am getting it organized. it's too expensive to make it "PERFECT" But, it is a whole lot better than what it was. "TRASHED OUT DINING ROOM" If there was a word to describe the craft crap it would be: HOARDING. I think I have saved every scrap of material, ribbon, sequin, spin of wool that I have ever bought. Good Gravy. Today, I actually threw away stuff. RIGHT THAT DOWN. Because, as Rob would describe it. "You are a pack rat when it comes to crap." He is so right.

I am determined to be more organized. To be more put together in my mind. I feel like my brain is a file cabinet that got turned upside down during a move. Oh wait, that did happen once. Was aweful. Took a year literally to get all the files back in order, etc.

As a little girl I remember on Fridays one of the elementary schools I attended use to show Disney movies. On the old reels. We would go and sit quietly in the library with the other age group students. With the big screen that came down, and the sound of the projector reel spinning. But, out of all those movies one comes to mind that describes me I think more than any thing.

It was the Cricket you know, the Green Cricket that wore a Top Hat. Jiminy Cricket. Go figure I just had to google it to remind myself what the character's name was.. LoL.

Anyway, this cricket was basically sending subliminial messages of how you should think. And, staying "ORGANIZED" inside your head. I know right! ! !

He used the File Cabinets as an example and it has stuck with me all these years. *however, I am still only 25!* He would walk into a room. and there would be papers E V E R Y W H E R E ... And, he would say, Wow, would you look at this mess. How can anyone be learning anything with so much mess in here. What do you say we put all these papers away in the file cabinets where they belong.. Like: and, he gave an example of  MANNERS., CLOTHES, you know. Please and Thank you. And, kind of like putting your thoughts in order like you would your socks, and pants, etc.etc.
Was quite ingenious if you stop and think about it. Now that I am 25.. I can truly see the moral of the story.  I have tried for years to make my brain work like that stupid green cricket said to.

But, it is quite hard. takes discipline. And, we all know how far that goes right. If it went far, we would all be our Ideal Body Mass Index, we would not have Dietary Induced Diabetes, we would all NOT smoke, or Drink, or do drugs, or anything. Basically become LaBotomites as my son refers to those who drive with earbuds in their ears staring down the highway as if they are truly checked out on Lithium.

In between all the organizing, I got on fb. I read some posts, quotes, looked at a few pics. Then, I go back and start again.. Kinda like giving my brain a BREAK.. Please. hold that thought while I finish reading this kind of feeling..

I am kindly reminded how blessed I am. Whether I have too much craft stuff, the dogs are ready to go and take a walk, to the ever famous customer calling asking for this and that for practically pennies on the dollar.  Those are my worries today.
I have friends and relatives that are scared today. Scared that they might have to make a choice of what to do with their parents that are aging and very sick. Or how they are going to cope with the loss of a family member, a child, a parent., How are they going to make their Light bill. Much less the mortgage, car payments that are 3 months behind. Because, their husband lost their job as a corporate executive 6 months ago, and had put everything they had into relocating to another state only to find out AFTER their home is under contract that They are NOT moving across America because, their Husband didn't get the job afterall.
How about being hundreds of miles away from your home. From the 1 place you could run to when you were scared, hungry, thirsty, and tired. Then, only to find you are thrown into the well of oh my gosh, where am I and how do I get back? As I was discussing this very thing with my most precious gift. My daughter.

I know that God spoke thru me. To her. He brought up the story of Psalms 23. The same scripture she had embedded onto herself.
Even though I walk thru the valley of the Shadow of Death. I WILL FEAR NO EVIL. For thou Art With ME! Thy rod and staff comfort me.
As I explain what that meant to me. the Rod and Staff. I was kindly reminded how God TRULY adores me, adores you, adores her. That he puts these barriers up and we think they are failures, we question our own faith, question our destiny, only to hit the barrier time after time after time.  Then, I remember what it looked like watching a shepard grab a Straying LAMB with the Rod and staff. Yanking it by the neck pulling it out of danger back towards the flock. And, i told that to Chris. I told her this one incident is Gods way of reminding you. HE IS THE ONE and ONLY life line. Not the smartphone, Not the GPS, Not the FB Notification, Not an App of ANYKIND. But, for some they find out rather quickly how smart they are NOT without their phone.

I know it is tough, I know how hard it is to be out in the world by yourself. I TOO did it as well. But, believing that GOD is RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. the safest place to be on this PLANET. For NOTHING bad can harm you. NOTHING. Because, you are walking on Faith, on Holy water when you let go and let GOD interscede and protect you. Remember this my child. IF GOD IS FOR YOU! Who can Be against you!.. NO one, nothing. Nada.. it doesn't get any clearer than that.

When I was questioning my own heart breaks this past year. It was brought to my attention that the way I feel about the kids. How I want to protect them, cherish them, watch over them, that is exactly how GOD feels towards us. That it truly breaks his heart to know that you didn't stop for a split second and say, "morning lord". He is just waiting quietly not intrusively. He's just watching you move thru your day. Waiting for the right moment when you feel the brisk of the air across your cheek, or the sound of beautiful noises being made from the birds. It's quite beautiful if you think about it.

Am on my way to tie up yet another loose end.
If you do anything for the rest of the day. Do thank God for today. That's all you have to do. Thank him for the many blessings that we take for granted. Like being able to breathe, being able to walk, being able to run and buy a 5.00 sandwich. With that, you guys have a great afternoon.

IT's Friday!

I LOVE FRIDAYS. I ponder this heroic day as if I don't have to work on Saturdays. Bawhahahah. What a gas.. Because, we ALL know that Saturday is CATCH UP day. From the previous week. Laundry, grocery shopping, house cleaning, floor mopping, vacuuming, you know the typical HOUSEWIFE of Collin County stuff.. :)

Although, I might take a RAIN CHECK on all of the above. My sweet Hubby is going to be OFF, my sweet Son is running the 10k down at White Rock Lake. I might just say BTHHHHH with it all and go jump in  the pool, float around and grab some good old fashioned Vitamin D ME time!..

Christina came in for a mini R/R and scared her mother to death. All this time I have been fed a line a bull. "Mom, I am not sure if I am going to be able to come out, I don't know what my schedule is going to be, to the ever famous. SILENT treatment for the days before her arrival." As we are sitting watching a movie right before dinner. I am mentioning how CUTE Handsome, etc.etc. the star of THOR is. And, All of a sudden I hear OH yes he is in the background.! Its My GIRL. My baby GIRL in her AVU's. I jump up run and practically KNOCK her down. I was so excited to be holding that sweet precious child of mine. It felt like an eternity since I had felt her heart close to mine, the sweet smell of her skin, the feeling of being WHOLE. It brings tears to my eyes just imagining and reliving that moment on Tuesday night. Oh my oh my oh my. My sweet baby girl. My lil aerospace medic.

As the night falls, we find ourselves walking around the house, the farm, petting the animals, getting reaquainted with the moment. Then, as we turn and stop we find ourselves just staring at one another. As if we know we will have to say goodbye in less than 32hrs. But, just drinking it all up in one gulp was the only thought we had.

Christina knows where her home is, I know where my baby girl is. It is the simplest of Mother/Daughter relationships with a dash of Southern hospitality, a Dollup of YOU KNOW BECAUSE I SAID SO, and a splash of I cannot imagine life without you.

Her coming home was such a sweet gift. Was such a dose of i needed that.

I thought it would get easier as she got older to watch her leave. Nope..
It doesn't but, it's not the fact that she is leaving and going to be hundreds of miles away, but the simple fact that she won't be HERE with me. Most of my family all of us actually. We all stayed around the house for a while, then when we did move out, some of us moved across the street, across the intersection, across town. But, the town is small so it didn't seem like they were moving away.

But, with Chris. She is moved away. She is hundreds of miles away, Counties away. Close to where our ancestors are from. Yet, too close for comfort. I am not scared. I feel like a true mother hen. I want to make sure she is ok, I want to make sure I KNOW WHERE SHE IS at all times. Not because I am being a micro manager. But because I love her. I want to know she is ok.

This feeling will never change. As I pray as she drives away; God reveals just a beautiful gift. As if he was standing right there with me. I heard it as was being whispered. You do know that she loves you. You know you will feel this way till the day you die. It won't matter if she is 19/ or 99. YOU ARE HER MAMA. She is your baby. It's ok to feel this way.  I look up at the sky and just praise him for such a peace. I stand on awe as she pulls out of the drive, honking her famous honk. All I know to do is to run to my truck yank open the door, and HONK BACK. Praying she heard me. Honk de da honk honk. Honk HONK. ( in the tune of shave and a hair cut, Two Bits).

That was Yesterday. Today is today. Tomorrow is no reason to worry. Because, Today like any other day has enough problems unto itself. So, I will wear my bright lipstick, I will use my silver servers, I will soak up EVERY opportunity.

I will live like there is no Tomorrow. I will dance in the rain as if no one is watching. I will have the faith of a child. Because, My God knows my heart, he made me, he gives me so much. How could anyone want anything when God is in their lives. All I want is to be loved and cherished. And, I am. As a wife, as a Mother, as a friend, as a daughter.

Who cares if you don't get everything on your list done. Because, what is it to worry. Do your best, because that is all that is asked of you.

And, with that.
You guys have a great weekend.

TGIF! ! ! !